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Unfinished Suicide Note by Nyanfood Unfinished Suicide Note by Nyanfood
For those of you who know my problems with chronic depression, this shouldn't come as a surprise. I think I first came up with the idea when I was contemplating writing a suicide note. I tend to go completely impulsive when I get depressed so I figured it'd be best to be prepared, just in case. It's not like I had anything important to put into a pile of last words, but it was a lot easier to draw. This hadn't been finished for months. Though it was meant to be a self-portrait of my psychology, my hairstyle changed several times before its current state. I went to it only when I felt like I needed solace beyond what solitude could provide. In the end, I drew it half-heartedly, and so it will always remain unfinished.

Also, comments telling me not to die will be considered a waste of time, so please don't post them. I'm not going to do anything rash and more than anything, I DON'T NEED WHAT HELP YOU THINK IS BEST FOR ME. I just happened to reach a point of no return with this piece and decided to upload something for the first time in two months. Thank you.
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:iconxxscratchkittyxx:
XxScratchkittyxX Featured By Owner Edited Oct 12, 2014  Hobbyist General Artist
I love this piece!! the color scheme goes really well with the theme, and I love the designs drawn to go with it <3 it has that scrapbook feel to it, it's really beautiful Meow :3 

I hope you're okay, riyoku..
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:iconnyanfood:
Nyanfood Featured By Owner Oct 13, 2014   Digital Artist
I'm much better. I only occasionally relapse into depression now, and I never stay there for long.
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:iconawildusernameappears:
awildusernameappears Featured By Owner Oct 7, 2014
Your artwork is so beautiful, it's breathtaking, really! :heart:
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:iconnyanfood:
Nyanfood Featured By Owner Oct 7, 2014   Digital Artist
Thank you!
Reply
:iconultralithematic:
UltraLiThematic Featured By Owner Aug 2, 2013  Hobbyist Digital Artist
The details and coloring are beautiful. 
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:iconnyanfood:
Nyanfood Featured By Owner Aug 2, 2013   Digital Artist
Thank you
Reply
:iconleny97:
Leny97 Featured By Owner Jun 27, 2013  Hobbyist General Artist
wow...this dress...!!!
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:iconnyanfood:
Nyanfood Featured By Owner Jun 27, 2013   Digital Artist
Frillyfrillyfrillyfrill
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:iconterror-and-love:
Terror-and-Love Featured By Owner Apr 18, 2013
What did you use to color it? Or is it uploaded? It has a very interesting texture. Mine eyes like it quite a bit.

Survivor of depression myself, very dark kind. Got tired of it and got on meds. But its a lonely world in that state. I had my anchors though. In the end had to decide for myself. The otherside is a weird place.
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:iconnyanfood:
Nyanfood Featured By Owner Apr 18, 2013   Digital Artist
It's Photoshop CS5.
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:iconbezzalair:
bezzalair Featured By Owner Apr 17, 2013
Riyo's not a happy chick? :( Sorry to hear that. :hug::hug::hug: Are you still in the sadness?

I just wanted to say I really like this image. It's very beautifully drawn and colored. You always give your subjects such sweet clothing. ;o;
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:iconnyanfood:
Nyanfood Featured By Owner Apr 18, 2013   Digital Artist
:glomp: So do you, Bezzy
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:iconmasterplasma:
MasterPlasma Featured By Owner Apr 17, 2013
Urr, I can relate...

Too bad I still got things holding me back..barely.
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:iconnyanfood:
Nyanfood Featured By Owner Apr 17, 2013   Digital Artist
Eh... I don't think it's too good or too bad. What happens happens and what doesn't happen... doesn't happen. It has nothing to do with destiny but it's got a lot to do with decisions and timing.
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:iconmasterplasma:
MasterPlasma Featured By Owner Apr 18, 2013
Yup...
Reply
:iconyoshizawaart:
YoshizawaArt Featured By Owner Apr 17, 2013
This is an excellent piece. I love the art style. Very nice.
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:iconnyanfood:
Nyanfood Featured By Owner Apr 17, 2013   Digital Artist
Thank you~ :hug:
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:iconcenti:
Centi Featured By Owner Apr 17, 2013  Hobbyist Digital Artist
I'm sorry that you're struggling with something so dark in your life and brave of you to speak of it so boldly here. It seems a lot of the most beautiful things come from depression, strange how that works. The artwork itself is beautiful even if it is 'half finished' as you say. I hope you can start feeling better soon, and well, if you ever need an outlet we can give that RP a go again... It doesn't help everyone but that kind of thing helps me.

Worry about yourself and do whatever it is you have to do, take the time you need and all of that. I'm still going to look forward to more art, and still going to wish for the best.
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:iconnyanfood:
Nyanfood Featured By Owner Apr 17, 2013   Digital Artist
Thanks for the motivational things and I hope your life goes well too.
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:iconkayaarune:
KayaArune Featured By Owner Apr 17, 2013  Hobbyist Traditional Artist
OMAIGAWDHEROUTFITKJSdnakjw-
<333
I love this. ; A;
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:iconnyanfood:
Nyanfood Featured By Owner Apr 17, 2013   Digital Artist
Thank you. o ^o Your icon is so cute and sad. D;
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:iconkayaarune:
KayaArune Featured By Owner Apr 20, 2013  Hobbyist Traditional Artist
:iconlazycryplz: sobs thank youuuuu, too.
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:iconkittycarousel:
KittyCarousel Featured By Owner Apr 16, 2013  Professional General Artist
I love this color scheme and coloring style!
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:iconnyanfood:
Nyanfood Featured By Owner Apr 16, 2013   Digital Artist
Thank you! It's really close to the scheme you have for your icon, now that I look at it. O AO
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:iconsam-the-drawing-fox:
sam-the-drawing-fox Featured By Owner Apr 16, 2013
This is beautiful, especially the dress. Which, is rather bitter sweet.
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:iconnyanfood:
Nyanfood Featured By Owner Apr 16, 2013   Digital Artist
I like to think of it as ice cream. o uo
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:iconwr4ith0:
wr4ith0 Featured By Owner Apr 16, 2013  Hobbyist General Artist
... 0_o ... damn this is meta ...
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:iconnyanfood:
Nyanfood Featured By Owner Apr 16, 2013   Digital Artist
Did you know that 'metabo' means 'overweight' in Japanese?
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:iconwr4ith0:
wr4ith0 Featured By Owner Apr 17, 2013  Hobbyist General Artist
hmmm... it's not a romance language so I can't even claim it shares a root word with metabolism. Either way, i would suggest not finishing the piece.
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:iconnyanfood:
Nyanfood Featured By Owner Apr 17, 2013   Digital Artist
You should read through the comments and understand what I mean by 'finished.'
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:iconwr4ith0:
wr4ith0 Featured By Owner Apr 17, 2013  Hobbyist General Artist
I guess I missed some of that. I was thinking more along the lines of the removal of gas ovens in britan.
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:iconnyanfood:
Nyanfood Featured By Owner Apr 17, 2013   Digital Artist
O__o; I used a gas oven once. It was lovely.
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:iconwr4ith0:
wr4ith0 Featured By Owner Apr 17, 2013  Hobbyist General Artist
but apparently overly convenient. Once they mostly switched to electric ranges the suicide rate dropped by something like 30 percent... @_@
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:iconnyanfood:
Nyanfood Featured By Owner Apr 17, 2013   Digital Artist
rofl? XD
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:icondeadly-myobi:
Deadly-Myobi Featured By Owner Apr 16, 2013  Student General Artist
Wow i love this so much :) really beautiful :)

I want her outfit :P
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:iconnyanfood:
Nyanfood Featured By Owner Apr 16, 2013   Digital Artist
Loli dresses are the most fun to draw. o uo
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:icondeadly-myobi:
Deadly-Myobi Featured By Owner Apr 17, 2013  Student General Artist
They are but then i get bored and just give them a pair of jeans and a tshirt haha :P
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:iconnyanfood:
Nyanfood Featured By Owner Apr 17, 2013   Digital Artist
I don't remember the last time I drew just jeans and t-shirt. O__o
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:icondeadly-myobi:
Deadly-Myobi Featured By Owner Apr 17, 2013  Student General Artist
we shall have to swap :P I draw cute loli and u do normal jeans and tshirts :P hehe
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:iconnyanfood:
Nyanfood Featured By Owner Apr 17, 2013   Digital Artist
But normal jeans and t-shirt is so not my style. .___. -gets no inspiration from it-
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:icondeadly-myobi:
Deadly-Myobi Featured By Owner Apr 17, 2013  Student General Artist
yeah its hard to have any fun with them, I think thats why I struggle with guys as they dont look good in cute dress haha :P :P
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:iconnyanfood:
Nyanfood Featured By Owner Apr 17, 2013   Digital Artist
Guys are too hunky and chunky and have a thingy attached to them. D; -dislikes male bodies-
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(1 Reply)
:iconkuronedlc:
KuroneDLC Featured By Owner Apr 16, 2013  Student General Artist
This is rather interesting. I've never really seen or heard of a drawn suicide note. It's certainly very well-drawn, and I can somewhat understand some of the feelings put into it.

I hope you're well, and that you're doing okay o u o
Reply
:iconnyanfood:
Nyanfood Featured By Owner Apr 16, 2013   Digital Artist
Thanks lots.

Suicide notes are usually written on whims as a necessity. People don't exactly take the time to 'enjoy life' one more time by drawing. They just want it down on paper. But that's because writing is the easiest way for some people to communicate.

I happen to contemplate the matter often though I always hold myself back. Even when hanging out with friends, if I put on a social attitude and want to be alone, I come to this and draw. It originally started as "I'll die when I finish drawing this" though in the process it was more like "I'm going to die lining this" and finally, it was "I can't die cause I need to draw more of this."
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:iconkuronedlc:
KuroneDLC Featured By Owner Apr 17, 2013  Student General Artist
It's kind of interesting how your attitude changed about it as you continued. It initially started as a final piece before suicide, but sort of became a motivator for not committing suicide?

It's a bit similar to a joke I heard about writers, that they can't write a suicide note, since they'll spend too much time revising and editing it, and then they'll have a reason to live.
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:iconnyanfood:
Nyanfood Featured By Owner Apr 17, 2013   Digital Artist
Eheh... it's more like it was haunting me and I needed to finish it before I actually... FINISHED... it. O__o It's not motivating anyone to do anything, really.
Reply
:iconkuronedlc:
KuroneDLC Featured By Owner Apr 17, 2013  Student General Artist
Ah, I see. owo'' Since you mentioned wanting to continue drawing, I thought that was a sort of motivation.
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:iconnyanfood:
Nyanfood Featured By Owner Apr 17, 2013   Digital Artist
Nah. o uo I don't really want to force people to live or anything if they don't want to. This is just a slice of what happened to me and I thought I should put it somewhere. I guess if there's anything to take away from this, it's to spend more time thinking about big life decisions. XD;;;
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:iconkuronedlc:
KuroneDLC Featured By Owner Apr 17, 2013  Student General Artist
I see then owob I didn't think you were forcing anyone. I just thought that's what happened with you.
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:iconnyanfood:
Nyanfood Featured By Owner Apr 17, 2013   Digital Artist
Oh, I just meant it wasn't something I would do. I wouldn't ever draw something to encourage other people to do anything set in stone. XD;;; I didn't mean it that way.
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